FEAR...

If there was one word to describe the younger version of myself it would be fearless. Nothing really scared me. I was prepared to have a crack at all opportunities and was as life embracing as a young lass can get. I danced and sang on stage and enjoyed the moments in the spotlight. I rode horses, I did a lot of public speaking and didn't really mind if I was a little left of centre of everyone else. I stood proudly in this world completely happy with the person I was mentally and physically. Life really was a fairy tale and everything was tackled head on....Until I turned 17 when one of my first loves was stripped from me because of fear and to this day I still haven't gained it back.

A lot of friends who will read this blog through facebook will remember me as a singer. Constantly humming, belting out a tune in the car or writing many a ballad about life experiences. I entered a singing competition at this age and made it through to the finals. Now it would be a lie for me to say I never got nervous - I did - every single time. But as soon as the mic was in my hand and it was time for me to walk on, the nerves would be left in the back stage curtains and I would embrace the stage.

Performing was easy, it came naturally to me and the words would flow from me without a thought - it was second nature, until this night when I forgot my words. I had nothing. I was totally blank and left the stage. This moment affected the rest of my life. Of course I went back on and though I struggled I finished the song. I'm sure that was meant to be the defining moment of it all but it wasn't. The fear of forgetting the words again was. Now each time I am asked to sing I rarely say yes then dread the occasion and have to have the words on me or decline. It's sad that I have lost the joy that singing gave me.

The significance of this is it was the first time I can remember feeling fear. Fear of what other people thought of me but most importantly fear that I wasn't as able to do things as I thought.

Since this time, in ways, I have let fear define a lot of things in my life and it has grown and crossed into many sectors of my life. It is really only this year that I have decided to tackle that problem.

You come to a point in time where you realise that you shouldn't fear FEAR. It's an emotion worthy of being felt but nothing more and nothing less. It is there to make sure our eyes are open and all options explored but it isn't a stop sign on the path forward, merely a warning light to be glanced upon while taking the next step up.

Currently I am in the midst of starting a local magazine for my town, a place that I love and am passionate about. I want to focus on all the good that our small town has to offer and there is a lot. And here amongst all I am learning from the town and doing with the magazine is fear. Will it be embraced? Will the businesses advertise in it to keep it going? Will my words as an editor be good enough for our town? Fear - present and accounted for. But though these thoughts circle through my head I will not let fear hold me back, I will glance at it and keep moving forward and for this reason I can not fail. This new chapter in my life is bound to bring these doubtful feelings but I shut it down by saying these words -  achievement, ability, strength and most importantly courage, fear can't compete with these fabulous four!

As for the singing, I am preparing to enter into the joyful world again soon, I may even be brave enough to give you a sneak peek. Until then...

FEEL THE FEAR, EMBRACE YOUR COURAGE, LIVE THE DREAM...

I am...and it feels great!

Hales xxx