Learning to fly

When I turned 30 last year I can tell you with absolute certainty that I wasn’t looking forward to it. I had clearly marked 30 in it’s crinkly beige folder as “getting old”. It felt like the turning point of my youth….. Dodgy Dancing with a few too many drinks under your belt may work okay for you at 25 but at 30 you are more likely to receive sorry looks from the young guns and get a quiet “shall I call you a taxi?” from the bar staff…The old grey mare just ain’t what she used to be!

What 30 made me do was sit down assess my achievements:-

High school complete and school captain - check

Man of my dreams - check

A Mumma to 3 babes - check

A house to call home - check

A close group of friends - check

Happiness, love and amazing memories - triple check!

Adventures under my belt - kinda check

Wow! That’s a pretty complete list I’ve got. From 18 - 29 I had done a darn lot! I’m set for the future. All in order here sir - carry on!

I think this is why I felt “what next”? When I had already crossed so many things off life’s list, is being a Mum and wife all I have left?

I think it took me midway through this age thing to realise what 30 really meant to me, and of course random brain bombs often happen at peculiar times.

My husband and I were to attend our local rugby league presentation night and I felt the urge to splurge on a new dress. Though this occurrence was a regular feature in my pre kids life, it had been a good 5 or 6 years since I had really shopped for something a little more expensive then my standard butchers order (not including my wedding dress!).

I walked into one of the local clothing boutiques and the owner Marg was ready for me. With her keen eye she was quickly whipping dresses off the racks and into the dressing room. So in we all go…okay…I doubled check the door was locked then turned slowly to face the demon in front of me…others may refer to it as a mirror but I believe most women know exactly what I’m talking about. I gave myself and the mirror a stern talking to. I had to be open minded and positive and it had to be lit correctly and remain 2 feet away. Dress 1 - Not bad, Dress 2 - ha ha ha, Dress 3 - Love, Dress 4 - Love!!!! This actually felt great! Here I was all by myself, no-one but Hayley, trying dresses on solely for me.

Small but significant pleasure = light bulb moment.

This was what 30 was all about…me. After meeting my husband at 19, having Erika at 23, Keagan at 25 and Toby at 29, my life had been absorbed by everyone else. I had forgotten what it was like to just shop by myself for clothes, to take an interest in fashion, use that daily scrub to avoid the wrinkles and, well in general, look after myself.

So, I changed. I decided that I would regularly lay-by from my now well acquainted boutique, I would invest in my skin, and I would give myself “me time”, and while I have busted a vocal chord yelling to my kids in the backyard and kissed a sore forehead during this post, I still can happily report that all the above have come into play.

I feel like the magnificent photo above - moving forward with purpose and a newly found energy. I will always have a youthfulness in me, you may not always see it but it will be there, I have gained strength in character from years of learning who I am and I am focused on my family, on my friends but most importantly me.

I was learning to fly…but now I can soar.