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| A station out at Cunnamulla |
It took only a week for me to be accepted to governess on a property near Cunnamulla, a 40,000 acre sheep station. 40,000 acres!!!! - It was a 30 minute drive to reach their back fence!
Before I quit my job Mum offered to drive me out and check I was really happy with it all. Now that I look back on it, it was Mum that was checking...not me.We did it in 3 days. 9 hours there, a day looking around and meeting the kids, than 9 hours back. I didn't absorb it at all. My mind was made up, I was heading out west.
At the end of January in 2000 I packed up the Commodore kissed my Mum and Dad goodbye and started the journey to my new home, 9 hours from anyone I had ever known, leaving for the first time the safety of my parents nest. I loved the trip out there immensely. Driving with windows down, summer breeze flowing through my hair, snacking on some cooked chicken Mum had packed while belting out the vocals song after song. I was free, untamed and open to all that lay in front of me. It went from gorgeous Great Dividing Ranges to a flat, red, arid horizon that had a charm that sucked you in.
Finally I made it, greeted the family and unpacked my belongings.
The quarters I was staying at was not like your 5 star hotel...actually I'm not sure you would rate it a one star. When I walked in I cut my foot on a nail that was sticking up from the rough unsanded timber floor with gaps so big I could see the shingleback lizards sitting below. I grabbed a hammer and started nailing and nailing and nailing. As I assessed my new home I noticed a few things that I hadn't noticed in the first trip. There was no windows just screens with big rips in them, no outlet for a tv or phone, no hot water, no lockable door. Okay so it was a bit different, but we rough it in the country right? It's part of the experience?
Remember the positive, naive person I was talking to you about? Well she crumbles pretty damn quickly.
The days routine was always the same, waking up covered in bugs and spiders, school of air and teaching in the morning, preparation for the next days class, meals at the main house and cleaning. Everyday the same 5 faces, every day the list of chores for me to do grew and every day I was there the more frequently the kids would call me Mum. At 19 I was a mother of 3 kids looking after a house and a husband.
If I was older and stronger I could have handled the situation but I was neither. As a very social person the isolation was very confronting. I didn't have anyone to talk to as the Dad was busy on the farm and the mother was busy meeting friends and going in to town. I had no day to day knowledge of the outside world. The change was too dramatic for me and I found it very hard to cope. Every meal was lamb or mutton, I got to a point where I never wanted to eat lamb again! As for the cleaning which they had told me wasn't part of the job, I had to clean their toilets, wash and fold and put away all their clothes, clean, dress and feed three kids and even scrub the ceiling with a toothbrush.
One day I was taking washing off the line and the mother came and joined me. She offered some words of wisdom "You know Hayley so many governesses come out here looking for a husband. They look for someone with a nice big broad brimmed hat and think he is rich and has a good property and steal them away from their wives. It's not going to happen here Hayley" WHAT!!!!!! I was 19! What would possess her to think that?? She turned very quickly on me after this asking me to do more and more ridiculous tasks and spitting one word replies to questions. What had I done for her to turn on me?
I can't explain how life changing going out west was. I would have come home days after arriving but I was stubborn and felt like I had to prove to everyone and myself that I could do it. My view of the world and people unfortunately changed out there. I changed. I was not eating, I was sad and most of all I was alone. Until you are isolated and cut off from everything you know and love, its hard to understand how much that impacts on you emotionally and physically.
Finally after realising the dream was becoming a nightmare I mustered up the courage to say I was leaving. I was there for 90 short days...3 months and I was leaving a very broken person. A few days later the wife, the lady that gave me the job, the one I had connected with over the phone asked me to leave that afternoon. Nobody travels in the late afternoon out west. It is too dangerous with the amount of kangaroos and emus running about. But I left, I traveled to a motel in St George a 2-3 hour drive, I ordered chinese at the local takeaway and cried as I ate it from pure joy that it wasn't lamb. Unable to sleep I left at 3am in the morning. It was a long and dangerous drive home. I was so tired but I did not stop driving, I was hallucinating, seeing things jump in front of me, swerving to avoid them and I increasingly found it hard to keep my eyes open. To this day I know how stupid that was and I would never in my life drive like that again.
When I finally got home my Dad ran to the car hugged me and cried. I left a very fit happy go lucky girl and came back 8 kilos lighter, week and frail. I slept all that day til the next morning and I woke to find everything back in it's rightful place. I was home.
It took me a good year to cry after Cunnamulla. I became one hard nut to crack. I would love to go out west again and visit but to live...it's not for me. I think the people out there are amazing. Strong and tough they endure the hardships and isolation easily. I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt to weigh up the good and the bad before making a decision and I learnt to appreciate the gorgeous Northern Rivers and friends and family that surround me.
It was a harsh lesson, but she taught me. She made me grow up, I don't really like her for it but we all have this lesson at some point.
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